Remi just turned 2 in February. Rather than picking up just “words” he’s suddenly speaking sentences. It is like he’s becoming this blossoming little boy who is happy to verbalize back that he understands. It makes my heart ache, yet it makes my heart soar.
At bedtime every night, he puts his big lil face to mine numerous times and says “muuuuah!”
It makes my heart ache, yet it makes my heart soar.
Then as I lay there as he falls asleep, he says “thank you mommy” over and over again, because he’s grateful that I’m there.
It makes my heart ache, yet it makes my heart soar.
As all of this is happening, I think about what a precious boy he is, how happy he is, how giggly… and then there is the guilt. Guilt about how he frustrated me that day or when I raised my voice at him.
It makes my heart ache.
I want to be deserving of all of his sweet gentle love, but sometimes I feel so unworthy. Some days I just fall apart and I hate myself for it.
But then there is the next day. And his love abounds. It’s fresh and new. And I can be too. Most days are good, they truly are. Most days I feel deserving of the love and know that I’m a great Mom. But man, some days I sink so deep… it’s hard to pull myself back up.
I’m so grateful for new days, Remi’s sweet precious love and the grace I’m learning to give myself as I go through the sometimes long days of Motherhood. ❤️
